Hello all you wonderful people! Before I start, I would like to thank everyone who sent in their questions regarding mental illness for my class essay/project (ie. eating disorders and depression). I can't promise that I've answered all of the questions, some of them were just a tad bit too personal to publicize for the world to read, and I am certainly no expert. What I do have answers for is what I've learned from my own experience. But I did promise that I would share what I wrote for the project on my blog, so here it is!
Background:
As many of you know, I dealt with an eating disorder for about three years in high school but prior to that, I had dealt with body image issues since I was about 12 years old. It wasn't until the beginning of my senior year that I was admitted into an Intensive Outpatient Treatment (IOP) at the Eating Disorder Center of Fresno. The reason I write so openly about it is not to get pity or any sort of praise for recovering. I write because mental illness is something people need to be more okay with discussing. It's not like ebola or something, so no, you will not be "contaminated" by it. This stigma that we should just pretend it doesn't exist--as if having a mental illness is the most awful thing in the world--NEEDS to stop. I strongly believe that we should all learn to speak up about it because you'd be surprised to discover just how many people actually struggle with mental illnesses and the reality of it is that just because we can't see it doesn't mean it's not there.
Sooo, Let US Begin!
1. What is an eating disorder?
An eating disorder is when one misuses food in order to try and resolve emotional problems they may be having. I guess you could say, it's their way of "getting a handle" on life.
2. Why are eating disorders so dangerous?
Studies have showed that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. 13-20% of those struggling will die due to the eating disorder with 90% of them being kids under the age of 20. The thing about eating disorders is that they do not discriminate; any cultural or socioeconomic line is at risk. (Just to clarify--no, this is not just a "girl disease.")
3. Why are eating disorders so hard to identify?
The reason they are so hard to pinpoint is because so many of the behaviors that typically distinguish them have become a social norm for us. Everywhere we look, someone is on some sort of diet by engaging in either restricting carbs, fats, sugars, or over-exercising. Rather than thinking "hmm maybe a 14 year old shouldn't be so worried about her weight", people now praise and validate diets as something that's good because, "Wow they have such strong will power!", or ,"They are just so healthy!"
4. Should I be talking about food in front of my kids?
Yes! It is so crucial for parents to give their children a good and clear understanding that ALL FOOD IS GOOD FOOD IN MODERATION (and yes, this includes Oreos and ice cream). Parents often get so caught up in the idea of making sure their kids eat 'healthy' but when you think about it, what's so healthy about telling your child to not eat certain foods because "you might get fat”?
Like I said, all food is good food in moderation--this is something that I stress so much because children should be able to enjoy fruits, veggies, carbs, dairy, protein, and fats without feeling guilty.
5. What causes eating disorders?
So going along with what I mentioned earlier, eating disorders are a coping mechanism for emotional feelings you want to suppress. There isn't a specific thing that actually causes it, a lot of things play a role into why someone might have an eating disorder such as genetic predisposition, traumas, abuse etc.
6. What was the hardest part about your recovery?
For me, I think the hardest part about recovery was coming to terms with the fact that I was even worth recovery. For someone who had dealt with years of a negative self-image, it's incredibly difficult to see your worth and accept that you, as an individual, do matter.
7. How did you cope with depression?
Depression is like hitting a brick wall. You feel so devastated, hollow, and numb inside that doing things like getting out of bed seem impossible. It's not that you want to isolate from everyone and be sad--it's that this cloud envelopes you into a type of darkness that makes you feel like you're suffocating inside.
I coped with it by talking to my parents and writing down my successes, no matter how small or insignificant they may have seemed. For example, getting out of bed and actually putting on clothes besides sweats was one of the victories I wrote down in my journal. This may seem silly but it really helped me overcome that dark cloud.
8. People with eating disorders have an awful attitude--why?
For one to understand this, they need to comprehend that the person with the eating disorder is suffering from extreme malnutrition. I mean, when most people get hungry, they tend to get what people call "hanger" (hungry anger). So you can imagine that not getting any nutrients really takes a toll on your brain. I would suggest simply being patient with them and knowing that the attitude they may have towards you is really just their eating disorder talking--it's not really who they are.
9. What can I do for someone who may be struggling?
The most important thing to know is that you did not cause the disorder, so you cannot cure it--this is one most parents struggle with. All you can really do is just love them and be patient. Do not try to force them to eat, this only tends to make things worse. Another helpful tip is strongly encouraging them to get professional help.
To be more successful in recovering from an eating disorder, you really need a solid support system--I was beyond blessed to have amazing friends and family members that helped me with this. Be that friend; listen and let them know you care.
10. Why did you choose to recover?
To be honest, I didn't choose it at first. At the time, I was preparing to start my senior year of high school. I was also super excited to participate in my last season of varsity water polo. Getting help with what I used to call my "food issues" was the last thing on my mind.
It took a complete breakdown at the doctor's office for my parents to understand that this was completely out of their control. I mean what typical 17 year old girl cries her eyes out--literally sobbing--because she has to step on a scale at the pediatrician's office? Doctor’s appointment after doctor’s appointment, we finally got my vital, heart, and blood results, and we (my parents and I) came to the realization that even though I looked pretty healthy on the outside, my body was deteriorating on the inside.
The Friday before school started, I began my journey at EDCF (the Eating Disorder Center of Fresno). My first week there, I hated it. It took a lot of talking and a lot of self discovery to realize that I wanted to find a happiness that didn't involve an obsession of being thin. I had been living in a little "hell bubble" and I didn't want it anymore. I wanted to feel beautiful, not because other people told me I was but because I genuinely saw myself as that. I wanted to be that happy girl I once was. It was a process of learning these things before I finally started choosing recovery. Once I realized what was best for me, I started going to treatment for myself and not because my parents made me.
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Now more than two years later I am just sooo grateful for the treatment team and all the people that helped me along the way. Recovery has not been easy by any means but boy it sure has been worth it!
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I just want to thank everyone once again for the questions and sweet messages I've received! You are all amazing! I'm sorry for the questions I wasn't able to answer but I hope that this may give you a little insight to what an eating disorder and a little of what depression is like. If you have any more questions or comments/concerns, feel free to comment below or send me a personal message!
