365 days ago today I decided to change my life completely. I chose to truly live.
For three years I battled a long fight with anorexia, bulimia, and orthorexia (if you don't know what these mean I will define them at the end of this post).
You see this illness had been taking over my life- literally. On August 13, 2013 I was diagnosed with having a high risk of a heart attack and osteoporosis; I was only 17.
This disorder that I thought and truly believed was making me "stronger" by listening to the thoughts to not eat and over exersize was really only killing me slowly (Eating disorders have THE HIGHEST mortality rate of all mental illnesses).
The fact that I'm still here, alive, recovering and well is beyond amazing. I have been truly blessed by a loving Heavenly Father.
I still remember my first day at EDCF (Eating Disorder Center of Fresno) I was terrified. Terrified of not making any friends, terrified that I wouldn't be skinny enough to be in there (ridiculous I know..) terrified that they would be make me eat so much that I would get fat. They did make me eat more than I thought I could handle but I did not get fat as I so strongly thought would happen. It's amazing how much more energetic you feel when you actually treat your body right, it's truly a bliss!
Now the days and months that took to get me to my year mark were not easy. There was a lot of crying, frustration, anger, emptiness but within all of that there was finally hope. There was the gleam of light that maybe, just maybe I could be free of this illness. And soon enough I started believing in myself.
I started seeing myself the way many of my friends and family saw me. Unfortunately, because of this illness I did cause some friendships to be pushed away and relationships to break. Yet, despite those people who left I realized they had been right about one thing- I am stronger than I think. I am thankful for all the people who held me as I cried, talked to me on the phone at night when I was sure I wouldn't see the morning, even the ones who broke my heart. They are all part of helping shape me into the person I am today.
I write this in hope to inspire someone out there, whether you are looking for a sign to stay on this earth, trying to decide if recovery is worth it, or thinking if Jesus Christ lives and cares about us.
Let me tell you, You are here on this Earth for a reason- so stay. I promise it gets better, it really does.
If you are on the edge about recovery- Congrats for even thinking of it!! That's a HUGE accomplishment in itself! By the way, Recovery is more than worth it!
Lastly, Jesus Christ is real and He lives. He died so each and everyone of us could live with Him again someday! So pray! Pray your soul out to Him because He will be there to help you through whatever it is that you are going through!
Trust me when I say, I would not wish this illness upon anyone! Not even my worst enemy (luckily I don't have an enemy but you get the jist of it).
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has helped me come this far in my recovery! You have all been angels in my life!
Smile Always!
Eating Disorder Terms:
Anorexia- An extreme fear of being fat where one deprives themselves of food for long periods time; known as fasting.
Bulimia- An extreme fear of being fat where one goes to extremes to get rid of calories ie. purging, overexercising, or usage of laxatives (No I never used laxatives, pills freak me out!)
Orthorexia- An extreme fear of being fat where one goes to extremes of eating only "healthy" foods and refuses to eat any "junk" food.
